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This article hit home for me. I know I haven’t talked a lot about the mom role but my blog is “Balancing Emma” for a reason. It is hard for me, like mind boggling hard to do this balancing act called life, but I am learning everyday that I am not alone in this crazy thing called life.
I am finding that I am having a hard time being MOM and WIFE. If I leave my daughter for the night with a babysitter, I feel guilty because I was a work all day and didn’t get to see her, (in there is also the feeling I have that other people are judging me because I should be home) But if I skip the social event to be home with my daughter, then I am sad that I don’t get to spend time socially with my husband. I would have never thought I would feel this literal guilt when you leave your child home with a perfectly competent and loving person to go enjoy myself for the night, but it is there and it is so hard to swallow. This article made me feel a little better about myself, made me feel like I am not alone in this battle, and not a bad mom for wanting to go out to dinner with my husband.
It is funny because I am normally a fairly logical person, I just have to tell myself that I am a good mom and stop worrying about people and I know that. I know that I am a good Mom and that my daughter loves me and I love her, but after you have a kid you get this crazy complex that makes me think that it will never be enough. You ask yourself all those haunting questions- What if this is affecting her, what if she is sad that I am not there, what if she feels neglected and put out because I am not there to put her to bed? All these questions run through my mind and its hard, really hard to find the answers to them.
So Balancing Emma is still a work in progress just like my daughter and my husband and our lives right now. I know it will be ok for us in the end but reading things like this article make it easier, so thank to you Huffington Post for posting this and helping me to understand that its ok to put Wife before Mom sometimes.
I am interested to see if I get any feedback from this post. I read a lot online about mothers and I have a feeling there is a portion of them that think this is totally backwards and I am interested to see how people feel about it.
If You Love Your Kids More Than Your Husband, You’re Wrong | YourTango.
The link above is for the life planner that I just purchased. I have no idea if its going to work but was inspired by a blog that I follow- http://kaysepratt.com/2014/12/ultimate-planner-review.html.
This life planner is supposed to simply everything. My resolution is kind of just that- to plan and make my life as easy as possible.
So- my plan for my new planner:
Plan my meals–plan my workouts–plan my cleaning–plan my laundry–plan my goals–plan my doctors appointments(and Lily’s and Heath’s and my dog and cats)–plan my blog ideas–plan my shopping needs–plan other needs–plan our budget–plan–plan–plan!!
I will keep you up to date on how my planning of my planner goes- when I get my planner, it should be here by next week and then I can put my plan into my planner and put my plans into action!!
(PS- yes I know I used plan a lot 🙂 )
I have been trying find a way to make the holidays less crazy- not successful as there is over a pound of needles surrounding my dead dead dead Christmas tree, most of my presents are not wrapped, my daughter emptied her entire diaper drawer last night, she refuses to stop trying to put her hands in my toilet (ik, disgusting- but my first toilet lock already broke and I haven’t had time to install the second one yet!) and my house is an overall mess.
Yet, through all of the craziness, the holidays are my favorite time. I love the chaos, I love the lights, I love seeing friends and family and giving (and receiving) presents. I can’t wait to pile all of Lily’s presents around the tree on Christmas Eve and I can’t wait for her to wake up and see them and rip open the paper. Even though she won’t even remember this Christmas, this was one of the reasons I wanted kids! I love spending time with family, sitting around a table with wine- or coffee if you prefer and chatting about nothing in particular. I love the craziness of screaming, excited, sugar high kids playing with all their new toys.
This Christmas my goal is to be thankful- thankful for who and what I have, thankful for the wonderful people that I surround myself with and thankful for all the things that I have. Oh and wine, I am thankful for wine. I want to take all the time that I can to soak up the love and laughter that will be around me. I find myself often thinking about all of the things I could do better. I could be reading to Lily instead of taking one second to sink into the couch. I could be cleaning the toilet instead of just shutting the door so Lily doesn’t stick her hand in it. Could have, should have, would have, I want to forget it all and just absorb. I want to take the extra time to speak to the ones I don’t speak to often and to genuinely enjoy myself.
Now I know some of you are thinking, yeah right- I am going to be running out of my house Christmas morning screaming at my husband not to forget the dang pie. But that is what I will try not to do, try not to yell and to get upset over things that just don’t matter. I will be cooking next Saturday for my family, so we will see if this can truly be pulled off. I didn’t say anything about surviving without wine J I will talk more about it soon, but this train of thought, this bone I have been chewing on kind of leads into my New Year’s Resolution, so check back for that post!
Happy Holidays and thank you for listening!